适合表演的英语幽默故事

大学的宿舍里有个哥们爱说梦话， 有天晚上我正起来喝口水， 谁知他突然大吼了一声：“喂！” 吓得我把杯子打烂了…… College dormitory a man love somniloquy, one evening i was up to drink of water, and then suddenly he uttered a roar ： "hello!" i had broken the cup, … …　A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟." Be Much Worse Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch? Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse. 可能更糟 警察：当你的手表被抢的时候，你为什么不大声喊叫呢？ 男士：如果我张嘴喊叫，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那样情况就更糟了！　

预算超标的小偷 caught stealing

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a shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "listen," said the shoplifter, "i know you don't want any trouble either. what do you say i just buy the watch, and we fet about this?"

the manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. the crook looked at the slip and said, "this is a little more than i intended to spend."

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一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获。“听着，”小偷说，“我知道你们也不想惹麻烦。我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看怎样？”

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经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单。小偷看着单子说道：“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点。你们还有没有便宜一点儿东西。"

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for o cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are o cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老 太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” The Perfect Son. A: I have the perfect son. B: Does he *** oke? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he ever e home late? A: No, he doesn't. B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A: He will be six months old next Wednesday. 完美儿子 A:我有一个很完美的儿子. B:他抽烟吗? A:不抽. B:他喝威士忌酒吗? A:不喝. B:他会不会很晚回家? A:不会. B:我想你确实有一个完美儿子. 那他多大了? A:下个星期三就满6个月了.